What is this blog about?

Welcome to mlekas.wordpress.com. This is where we will post stories about Tea, our cat. The target audience for these stories are our 3- and 5-year-olds. They are often written in collaboration with our kids, and usually come about during the carpool trip to school and work. The stories usually get their start from the back seat: “Tell a Tea story with Bob and Avis and Jean and Anne and Clare and Justine where Tea steals a boat and crashes into Nona’s house!”

The stories are like Shakespeare: not in quality, but in readability: they have much more impact when you read them aloud, and especially when you give the characters proper voicings. Here’s a rundown of the characters, their personalities and talking style:

Tea: very naughty cat. Talks in falsetto, with meowing (“MEE-ew”) and hisses (“pfft”) interspersed. Accent is long Is and Es, shortened As (what are you doing becomes “whutre yew DEEWing?”)

Bob & Avis:Fictional curmudgeonly neighbors. Their names are from our nice older neighbors, but the similarity ends there. Bob has a deep booming voice with a slightly confused edge, almost like Archie Bunker (“Awh Geez Edith”). Avis has a shrill voice and midwest accent (Oh Bob becomes “oh Baaab!” , What’s going on is pronounced “whaat’s go’n AH-hn?”).

Yia Yia: benevolent grandmother. Voice is slower paced like kindergarten teacher.

Brie and Bing (dogs): they don’t usually say words. Barking sounds with mouth in an O shape, usually descending in pitch: ”bowr-rowr-rowr.” They eat anything.

Grandpa and Nona: More benevolent grandparents. Similar voices to Bob & Avis, but smarter sounding.

Ginger Cat: Tea’s best friend but also a trickster. Same accent as tea but an octive lower. Longer vowels – Os sound like Ahs (meows are “MAH-ow” instead of Tea’s ”MEE-ew”)

Tea cookies

Once upon a time, there was a cat whose name was Tea. Tea was a very naughty cat.

One day, Arden, Alex and mom were making cookies. They mixed the flour, eggs and sugar in the mixing bowl.

“Mew, I will help,” said Tea. She pushed the milk carton into the mixing bowl.

“Tea!” yelled mom. “That is not helping!” Tea flipped up her tail at mom and walked away.

“Mew mew, I will show them I know how to make cookies!” Tea went over to Ginger Cat’s house. They gathered greenies, cat food and water into Ginger Cat’s water bowl.

“Mew Tea, I don’t think this will work,” said Ginger Cat. The mixture looked disgusting.

“Oh mew mew, maybe I will put more greenies in it!” She poured the whole bowl in. “Don’t forget the eggs!” Tea got some rotten eggs from the fridge. She held her nose, and put them in the mixing bowl.

The cats did not have a mixer. Tea went next door into Bob and Avis’s house. They poured the stinky cat cookie mix into Avis’s mixer. “Mew that’s a bad idea Tea,” said Ginger cat, but it was too late. Tea turned on the mixer. VREEEEEEE! The rotten cat cookie mix went everywhere!

Bob heard the noise. “What’s going on here?” Asked Bob. The cats ran away before Bob could see them. “Oh Avis, you made a mess! Pee-Yew! It stinks!” yelled Bob. But Bob didn’t want to hurt Avis’s feelings, so he put the stinky cat cookie cookie dough into the oven.

Avis came into the kitchen from outside. “Ew, Bob, what’s that horrible smell?” Asked Avis.

“It’s your cookies,” said Bob.

“Bob, i didn’t make any cookies!” Avis hit Bob on the head with her umbrella.

“Ow,” said Bob. He opened the oven door and the stinky cat cookies were done. “Well who made these then?” asked Bob.

“Maybe the cat next door,” said Avis. She hit Bob on the head again.

“Oh gee Avis, cut that out!” Tea and Ginger cat laughed.

 

The End.

 

 

Tea and Bing

Once upon a time, there was a cat whose name was Tea. Tea was a very naughty cat.

One day, Tea went down to the beach with Ginger Cat. They walked by the dog park and teased the dogs. “Mew me-mew, you can’t catch us,” they called to the dogs.

One dog, named Bing, was upset. He ran up and pushed his face against the fence, trying to get to the cats. “Bow-ruu-ruu,” went Bing. Tea told Ginger Cat to leave presents for Bing. “Ewww,” said Ginger Cat, and the kitties laughed. Bing ate the present! Then Bing was sick. He was sick all over his car.

Jean and Anne were the people who owned Bing. They were mad he got sick. They took him to the beach to wash off.

Meanwhile the cats also went to the beach. Ginger Cat set up an umbrella and Tea started to dig. Mavis Cat tried to knock over their umbrella, but Tea buried her under some sand. Mavis spit out sand: “Mew, pthth!”

Once Bing was clean, he went on the lookout for the cats. Every time he saw a cat, he sniffed their butts, so he could know which ones were Tea and Ginger Cat. When Tea and Ginger Cat saw him doing this, they had an idea. They ate some Greenies to give themselves gas.

When Bing came by to sniff them, Tea farted in Bing’s face! Bing looked up and coughed, then he started sneezing. “What’s wrong Bing?” asked Jean. All Bing could do is sneeze. “Bru-ru-rooo” cried Bing. His eyes were watering.

Next Bing sniffed Ginger Cat’s butt. Ginger Cat farted in Bing’s face too! Bing started sneezing again. “Oww what’s wong, Bingie?” asked Anne. All Bing could do is sneeze. “Bru-ru-rooo.”

But then Bing remembered the smell from the present! “Mew uh-oh,” said Ginger Cat. He chased Ginger Cat all over the park. “Bing, come back,” called Anne and Jean. Ginger cat hid inside Jean and Anne’s car. Bing clawed the car to get in. He popped the tires and scratched the paint. “My car! Bing!” Yelled Jean. Poor Bing. Ginger cat drove the car to the beach. Since the tires were flat it drove very slowly. The brakes did not work! Mavis and Tea pulled Ginger cat out of the car before it rolled into the ocean. Poor Jean and Anne!

Tea invited the cats back to her house for more greenies. They fell asleep and rooted in their sleep.

The End.

Tea Travel

Here’s a try at a chapter story. I’m using paragraphs as pages rather than as proper paragraphs. Each paragraph contains what should be on a single page. -Michael

Chapter 1: Vacation

(p1) Once upon a time there was a cat whose name was Tea. Tea was a very naughty cat. One cold and rainy day, Tea decided to go on vacation. She went to the bus stop with Ginger Cat.

(p2) A bus was coming. “Mew Tea,” said Ginger Cat, “you need to have your money ready for a ticket.” Tea looked down at the ground. She did not have any money! Ginger cat would have to loan Tea the money.

(p3) When the bus stopped, the bus driver opened the door. Ginger Cat and Tea climbed on board. Ginger Cat threw money into the box. “Hey, no cats on the bus!” Yelled the driver as the cats ran by.

(p4) Since Ginger Cat and Tea already paid, they hid from the bus driver under a seat. The driver reached under to try and grab them. As he was doing this, Bob and Avis got on the bus.

(p5) Bob and Avis waited for the bus driver to drive away, but he was too busy looking for the cats under his seat. “Hey,” said Avis, “We are late for the airport!” When the bus driver did not get up, Avis hit the bus driver on his butt with her umbrella! While the bus driver rubbed his butt, Tea pushed him out the door.

(p6) Ginger Cat closed the bus door, and Tea drove away. Avis smiled. “See Bob? That got him moving!” Bob nodded. Bob and Avis did not notice that the bus driver was kicked off the bus.

Chapter 2: the Bus Ride

Tea was not a very good bus driver. Tea passed people waiting for the bus. She splashed a dog. And she almost ran over her friends Diaper Cat and Cleanup Cat, who were walking across the street. She skidded to a stop just in time, then let them on. “Mew Mew Tea, where are we going?” Asked Cleanup Cat. “To the  Airport,” said Tea, and she drove off quickly.

The cats were all knocked into the back of the bus. Avis bumped into Bob. Diaper Cat had an accident.

“Meeew,” cried Diaper Cat. “My diaper stinks! Mew Mew!” Diaper Cat needed her diapers changed. As soon as Cleanup Cat took off her diapers, Diaper Cat cried again. “Mew Meew! My bottom is sooo cold!” Cleanup Cat sighed and put on a new diaper. She folded the old diaper and put into Avis’s handbag. Diaper Cat immediately went potty again. “Meew Meeew, my diaper stinks!”

“Why do you put diapers on a cat?” asked Ginger Cat. “Because her bottom gets cold,” said Cleanup Cat. She put a new diaper on Diaper Cat, and put the dirty one under Bob’s hat.

Avis looked at Bob. “Bob,” she said, “you stink!” “Aw Avis, that’s not nice,” said Bob.

Tea turned the bus really fast around a corner, and Bob’s hat fell off. The dirty diaper hit Avis on the nose! “Mmmmft!” Yelled Avis.

“Don’t worry,” said Bob, “I’ll get a towel to wipe you off.” Bob found a towel in Avis’s handbag, and began wiping Avis with it. It was the dirty diaper!

“Mmmft! Bob!” Avis hit Bob with her umbrella.

Chapter 3: The Plane Ride

Tea drove the bus onto the airport tarmac. A plane flew over the bus. Tea threw open the door. “Mew! Come on!” Tea ran to a plane and the other cats followed.

Bob and Avis were confused. “Where do we get our tickets?” Asked Avis. “Aw gee Avis, I don’t know.” Avis pointed to the control tower with her umbrella, which is now bent. They started walking toward the airport.

Tea, Ginger Cat and Cleanup Cat sneaked up the luggage ramp and into a jet. The pilot found Diaper Cat. “What a cute kitten!” He took the cat into the airplane with him.

In the cockpit, the flight attendants and pilots all thought Diaper cat was so cute. They pet him and scratched the fir behind his ears. Just then, Diaper Cat had an accident. “Mew oops!”

Someone yelled “What’s that smell?” The crew ran horrified from the stink. [Tea, Ginger Cat and Cleanup Cat can be seen hiding themselves - luggage rack & under a seat. Cleanup cat looks upset that she has to clean Diaper Cat]

Ginger Cat takes the steering wheel and flies the plane. Cleanup Cat changes Diaper Cat’s diapers. Tea sneaks back into the plane.

Tea pokes a claw thru Avis’s seat cushion, and Avis screams. Cleanup Cat puts a dirty diaper into Avis’s purse. Bob covers his ears.

When the plane lands, Bob says “what stinks?”

Green Tea

Once upon a time there was a cat whose name was Tea. Tea was a very naughty cat.

One day Tea was very hungry. She ate all her cat food, including all her greenies. She loves her greenies! But she was all out.

“Tea,” said Arden, “do you want some mac and cheese?”

“Meww!” yelled Tea. She pushed the mac and cheese onto the floor.

“Tea,” said Alex, “do you want some tofu enchillada?”

“Meww!” yelled Tea. She swatted the enchillada with her tail.

“Tea,” said mommy, “do you want some pets?”

“Meww!” yelled Tea. She left a present for mommy.

“Tea,” said daddy, “do you want some spankings?”

“Mew!” yelled Tea. “I want more greenies!” She ran outside and slammed the door on daddy’s hand.

Tea went to Ginger Cat’s house. “Mew, I bet Ginger Cat will give me greenies.” She rang the bell. Ginger Cat opened the door and said “Hi Tea!” but Tea ran by her straight to the kitchen. “Tea!” yelled Ginger Cat, but it was too late – Tea ate all the Greenies.

“Mew, I don’t feel so well.” Tea turned green – she was going to throw up! Ginger Cat opened the window and pushed Tea onto the window sill. Tea threw up out the window.

“Bob,” called Avis from outside the window, “I think a bird pooped on you.”

“Aw gee Avis, I’m covered!”

“Ewww!” yelled Avis. She washed him off with a hose. Tea and Ginger Cat laughed.

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Tea Shoots and Leaves

Once upon a time there was a cat whose name was Tea. Tea was a very naughty cat.

One day, Tea mewed to be let outside. Everyone was eating breakfast and nobody would open the door. MEW! MEW! said Tea, but still the door was closed. Tea jumped up onto the table and mewed her loudest. Meeeeewww! Mommy fell over in her chair! Finally Arden got up and let Tea out.

Once Tea got outside her paws felt cold. MEW! Tea went to the window asked to be let back in. MEW MEW MEW! Tea surprised daddy and made him spill coffee all over himself. “Aw Tea!” yelled daddy. He had to change his shirt.

“Tea, you’ve only been outside for 14 seconds!” Said Alex, but he let her in anyway. Tea ran through the house and went potty in the litter box. She ate some Greenies and clawed her claw post. Then she came back upstairs and went to the door. MEW! MEW! Tea asked to be let out again. She had already forgotten how cold it was outside!

Daddy opened the door. Tea sniffed the air but did not go outside. “Tea,” said daddy. MEW? “Do you want to go outside?” MEWW? Daddy kicked Tea on the butt and made her go outside. Then he slammed the door as Tea tried to come back inside. “Ow my nose!” said Tea. She was mad! She went to get her friends Ginger Cat and Mavis Cat.

Tea and Ginger Cat set up a trap. They built a catapult with rotten eggs in it, and tied it to the front door. Mavis knocked over Bob and Avis’s garbage can. “What’s all that noise?” Bob asked Avis. “I don’t know Bob. See for yourself!”

Bob ran outside and fell over the garbage can. “Ow, my butt!” Yelled Bob. All the cats ran and hid, except Mavis who was too slow. “Who did this?” He looked around and saw Mavis Cat. Bob thought Mavis Cat was too nice to do something like tip over a garbage can. “You’re a good kitty,” Bob said to Mavis. “who did this?” Mavis said “Mew, mew, Tea did.”

Bob went over to Tea’s house and knocked on the door. Mommy and Daddy thought it was Tea knocking, and they ignored it. Bob knocked harder. “If you don’t open up, I’m coming in myself!” Bob turned the doorknob. The catapult trap threw rotten eggs onto Bob. “Ow! Ew! Ugh” said Bob. He ran back home.

“Bob,” said Avis, “You stink!” Avis swatted Bob on the head with a newspaper. Then she sprayed him with a hose. Tea jumped over the catapult and went into her house.

The End.

Bathtime Tea

Once upon a time there was a cat whose name was Tea. Tea was a very naughty cat.

One day, Tea played outside in Bob and Avis’s garden. Tea rolled in the dirt and ate the flowers, and dug up the bushes. She threw up the flowers and ate some more. “BLEAH!” She threw up the flowers again.

Avis saw Tea. “Bob! That cat is eating our flowers!” Avis pointed her finger at the garden.

Bob was sitting in his chair resting. “Aw Avis, what do you want me to do about it?” Avis hit Bob on the head with a broom. “OW!”

“Take this broom and get the cat out of our flowers,” yelled Avis. Bob chased the cat with the broom. She ran through the house and knocked over some eggs on the counter. Bob slipped in the eggs and fell on his butt. “OW! My Butt!” yelled Bob. Tea laughed, but then she slipped in the eggs too. She ran out the back door and hid in a pile of leaves. Now she was really dirty! She started to itch and scratch.

Ginger Cat and Christine came outside and found a pile of leaves shaking. They found Tea inside! “Tea you are filthy!”

“Mew, I know.” said Tea.

“We have to take you to the bath!”

Mew, noo!” Tea tried to run away, but Ginger Cat stepped on her tail so she couldn’t move. “Rowr!” yelled Tea in surprise. Her friends carried her into the bathroom and turned on the water.

“Mew me-mew, I’m not getting in there,” Tea said, but Ginger Cat wouldn’t get off of Tea’s tail. “Ftt!” Tea hissed.

Christine said “Mew, Tea, get in the bath,” and tried to push her in, but Tea threw her arms out and held onto the sides of the bathtub. “Tea!” her friends yelled. They jumped on her belly, which made Tea’s tail touch the water. This made Tea so mad she clenched her paws… and then she fell in!

Ginger Cat and Christine poured water over Tea’s head. They put shampoo in her fur, and gave Tea a mohawk on her back. Tea liked her mohawk, but it fell down.

When Tea got out of the bath her fur was flat. Christine turned on the hair dryer while Ginger Cat brushed Tea’s fur. Tea hated the hair dryer! She tried jumping away but landed in the tub again. She jumped back out and Christine caught her in a towel. They dried her fur until she was all dry.

“Mew, you look like a fur ball!” Christine and Ginger Cat laughed. Tea did look like a big puffy fur ball! She couldn’t fit through the door she was so big, so Ginger Cat pushed her through.

Arden was playing trains when she saw Tea come into the room. “Aagh, a giant puff ball!” Arden fainted.

When Alex came down the stairs and saw Tea, he fainted too.

Tea had nobody to pet her. So she went outside and rolled in the dirt again. Her hair was flattened out and dirty, just like she liked it.

The End.

Christmas Tea

Once upon a time there was a cat whose name was Tea.

It was Christmas. Tea tried to climb up the Christmas tree, but every time she tried it would tip over and ornaments would fall on her head. So Tea decided to get her very own Christmas tree.

Tea snuck outside and got into the car of her neighbors, Bob and Avis. She hid under the seat. Bob and Avis drove to the store, but Tea wanted to go to the Christmas tree store! She grabbed the steering wheel from the floor and turned it.

“Bob, that’s horrible driving!” Yelled Avis.

“It’s not me, Avis!” said Bob. He was worried.

When they came to the stoplight, Bob slowed down. But Tea was in a hurry. She pushed the gas pedal and the car zoomed through the intersection. A truck carrying chickens and eggs hit the brakes, and the eggs pelted Bob’s windshield.

“Bob!” screamed Avis.

“It wasn’t my fault!” said Bob. Tea laughed.

When Bob got out to clean the windshield, Tea jumped out too. She ran to the Christmas tree store and picked out a tree. Jean and Anne and Clare and Justine were all there, getting a tree. Jean and Anne went inside to pay for the tree. Tea decided she liked the tree they had picked, so she grabbed a branch with her teeth and started dragging it away. The branch broke, and she fell on her back. “Mew!” yelled Tea. This time she dragged it from the top.

“Mom, dad, the tree is getting away!” yelled Justine.

“Don’t be silly,” said Anne, “Trees can’t just go …. HEY! Our Tree!” Anne chased the tree into the street.

Tea pulled the tree in front of a bus, and the bus pushed the tree along the street. Anne and Jean got into their car and chased their tree. Tea hung onto the tree with her teeth. The bus was going very fast, but Tea did not let go. Clare and Justine threw snowballs at Tea to try and knock her off, but she held on tight.

Finally the bus stopped by Tea’s house. Jean honked at the bus driver to move, so they could get the tree, but the bus driver had to let people off. Tea dragged the tree into her house. Jean and Anne threw snowballs at her, but she closed the door just in time!

When mom and dad heard what happened, Tea got into a lot of trouble. She had to return the tree and apologize to everyone. Then everyone came over and had coffee and wheat-free cupcakes, except Tea, who had to stay in her room.

The End.